vin.

let's not beat around the bush:

i like the sauce.

it's one of the main reasons i'm here... single (see previous post), anxiety-ridden, and living in a shitty apartment. i've lost friends because of it, my work has suffered, and, ultimately, it's to blame for my breakup with h.w.s.n.b.n..

i'm in treatment for it. i've been seeing a therapist for going on six months now and there's been a lot of progress... like, a lot.

i mean what we've been working on more than anything else is the root-- why i feel the need to drink to excess on purpose. there are a lot of reasons... excuses... as to why: leaving davis, being alone, falling in love with a man whom was unavailable, a shitty job, and then living with said unavailable man who, it turns out, was more unavailable than i ever thought possible.

a quintessential case of escapism, really.

i just have a lot of feelings (link).

but that's okay. i'm learning it's a blessing and a curse. i'd rather be overly sensitive than insensitive, trust.

however, as stated, a lot of progress has been made. i don't drink when i'm sad anymore, and i do my best to only drink on the weekends.

i didn't drink for 32 days and that made me feel really good about myself. and thanks to my friends and family i'm learning how to self-moderate and "behave" as dad likes to put it.

at the end of the day i feel a lot better than i did a year ago, which is really all that matters.

i'm fully able to admit that i didn't get here in no-time, and i fully accept that it won't take no-time to get back to good behavior.

yea, this blog is gonna be real. i'm cool with it.