he's nice... i mean, i'm at the stage in my life to where i'm not gonna date a dude unless he's of a certain caliber, so let's just assume he's rad.
however.
he's 33 (rapidly approaching 34) and has never had a bf. i am well aware this is a pretty big red flag, but frankly i'm not spring chicken myself. he wants a bf and he tells me i'm the first guy he doesn't freak out around (he's absolutely petrified of being in a relationship but is even more so petrified about, y'know, dying alone), so that's a pretty great thing. right?
here's my issue: the gay divorce of 2009 fucked. me. up. leaving me with essentially no self-esteem whatsoever. it's gotten a lot better and that is another of the goals therapist and i are working on-- recognizing the things in myself that i like, that i think are attractive/valuable, blah blah blah. back to the issue... he sucks at communication. i don't feel bad writing about this, as he totally owns up to it. we've been dating for going on a month, slept together a few times, and have at least determined that we're "exclusive." we've gotten into the habit of seeing one another about once a week or so, and i don't necessarily need a whole lot more than that right now, but he won't return text messages or phone calls.
i mean... cue crazy girl thoughts.
when he doesn't text me back (and it's not like i expect him to right away... but later that night? yea, i think he can manage that.) it makes me feel like he's just not that into me.
okay this is why this blog is a good idea, because just reading those last few words makes me roll my own eyes at myself.
i'm gonna calm my tits (link), here, because, really, it's what needs to happen. he likes me. he's a great guy. he is NOT h.w.s.n.b.n. and i need to respect him for the man he is.
but i still want/need more attention. we'll work on that.
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