butterfly.

my relationship with my sister is, to say the least, interesting.

we were one another's playmates growing up: i was the student to her teacher, she the cowboy to my indian (the indians always won in my history), my fort-building partner.

school was difficult for us... i was great at it. she was not. academically i excelled easily. she did not. she followed me into the vocal world where i was instantly successful at a young age. she was not. between us grew a resentment; it was never spoken about but was omnipresent.

the rift widened after i graduated from hs. she's never managed to hold on to friends for any significant amount of time, and her c/o 2003 were particularly hard on her. granted she's not "easy" to be friends with, but she has a great heart and (most usually) only as the purest of intentions. as i matriculated to davis, entering a new and amazing and fabulous phase of my life, she floundered. she was unhappy and unsuccessful her last two years of hs, and thusly ended up at the local junior college, once again falling into my shadow.

i'm aware of this. i'm aware of the effect i've had on her psyche. but there's nothing i could have done about it. i was humble, and nice, and kind.

then i came out.

that did not go well.

she called me a faggot, told me i was going to hell, and asked me if i was "really what our parents wanted in a son."

i've forgiven her, but one doesn't forget words as mean as those.

anyway, it took a long time. she had to be dumped by her fiancee. she had to "break up" with the "christian" church. she went through a slut phase (she was soooo fun in that phase). she grew to love xander, and for that i am eternally grateful.

yet we remain distant. i am, in truth, intellectually beyond her. i live 100 miles away. i "got out" and made something of myself.

again, i'm aware of the effect i've have on her psyche. but there's nothing i can do about it. i am humble, and nice, and kind.

this last weekend she came for a visit, and it was really nice. we haven't spoken of it, but i know we both want to work on our relationship. i want her to be a part of my life (my mother is estranged from her siblings). i want our kids to know one another. no, i don't like her boyfriend. i think he's going to break her.

i think, waaaaaay deep down, she knows it too.

so, my dearest kimberly... the kim to my jim... i love you. you're out of your mind but in a way only i will ever understand.

(ps i'm on the left, she on the right.)

:D